![]() ![]() Do you understand now where you be, Buffy Summers?" "The Valley Dor. "Thus were the two I most longed for at the end of the long pilgrimage I must take some day, and so as the time had elapsed which Dejah Thoris had hoped might bring you once more to her side, for she has always tried to believe that you had but temporarily returned to your own planet, I at last gave way to my great yearning and a month since I started upon the journey, the end of which you have this day witnessed. "You know that it was left for a woman from another world, for yourself, Buffy Summers, to teach this cruel Thark what friendship is and you, I thought, also roamed the carefree Valley Dor. "She, I thought, awaited me by the Lost Sea of Korus. You know the cruel tortures and the awful death her love won for her at the hands of the beast, Tal Hajus. Many years ago you heard the story of the woman who taught me the thing that green Martians are reared to hate, the woman who taught me to love. "Okay Tars, where exactly are we?" "We are where I expected to find you, Buffy Summers.and another. It was time to get out of here and back to my princess. Now I was psyched to stomp any bad guy into the dirt. I was sure I'd never see her again.She's alive? You're not joking are you?" "She lives, Buffy Summers." "Yessss!" I did a serious fist pump. "Why you had gone none could guess, for your princess still lived." "Dejah's alive!" I hugged him, "I thought I wouldn't make it to the atmosphere maker in time. "There was but one conclusion to reach when all efforts to locate you had failed, and that, that you had taken the long, last pilgrimage down the mysterious River Iss, to await in the Valley Dor upon the shores of the Lost Sea of Korus the beautiful Dejah Thoris, your princess. Isn't there supposed to be a serious lack of water? Or were people just lying to me for nine years? So no Tars, I know not where I be except grumpy, beat up, and missing my pants." "Where have you been since you opened the mighty portals of the atmosphere plant years ago, after the keeper had died and the engines stopped and all Barsoom was dying, that had not already died, of asphyxiation? Your body even was never found, though the peoples of a whole world sought after it for years, though the Jeddak of Helium and his granddaughter, your princess, offered such fabulous rewards that even princes of royal blood joined in the search. Otherwise I never would have guessed there was a place like this. "Do you tell me, Buffy Summers, that you know not where you be?" "Well I know I'm on Barsoom with the you, and the White Apes, and the Buffy/Superball combo package being in my face and all. "So Tars, how are you doing? And where are we?" He looked at me with the extra bug-eyed look that only a Green Martian can pull off, "Where are we?" he repeated. ![]() ![]() One laugh? This guy was seriously amateur hour when it came to fiendishly evil. ![]()
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